How to support a friend or relative

The abuser might:

• talk over them;
• try to keep them away from you;
• put your friend down;
• put you down;
• make up rumours;
• act like they are better than everyone else;
• joke with their friends about the victim; or
• pretend to be the victim.

Your friend or relative might:

• make excuses for their partner’s behaviour;
• become quiet or anxious when their partner is around;
• change their appearance to cover signs of abuse;
• appear lonely or sad; or
• stop spending time with you or their other friends.

How you can help

• Bring up the subject. Ask them if they’re OK. Even if they don’t want to talk about it, they’ll know that you care about them.
• Offer support, not instructions. They are already experiencing control, so be careful not to do the same. Let them know you are there for them whatever they decide to do.
• Listen. Don’t judge them, it has taken a lot for them to talk to you. Listen to what they choose to tell you and offer them support as their friend or relative.
• Do not confront the abuser. This could make things worse for your friend or relative and the abuser could try to isolate them more.
• Help them access support. There are services in place that can support your friend or relative, you could help them to access them.