Staying safe if you are in an abusive relationship

Silent 999 calls

If you're in danger, call 999 and try to speak to the operator if you can, even by whispering. You may also be asked to cough or tap the keys on your phone to answer questions. 

• Calling from a mobile - If you don't speak or answer questions, press 55 or tap when prompted and your call will be transferred to the police. The police will usually be able to find your location. If you don't press 55 or respond, your call could be ended.
• Calling from a landline - If you don't speak or answer questions and the operator can only hear background noise, they'll transfer your call to the police. If you replace the handset, the landline may remain connected for 45 seconds in case you pick it up again. Calling 999 from a landline automatically gives the police information about your location.

Text 999

To access this service you will first need to register your phone.

1. Send the word ‘register’ in a SMS message to 999
2. You will then receive a text message with a link explaining more about this service
3. Once you have read that information, reply ‘yes’ in a SMS message to 999
4. You will then receive a confirmation SMS telling you that your phone is registered with the service or telling you if there is a problem with your registration. 

*Please be aware that the text service may take longer than a normal 999 call and should only be used as a last resort, for example if calling 999 and talking out loud would put you in further danger.

999 BSL

If you are deaf or hard of hearing and use British Sign Language (BSL) to communicate, download the 999 BSL app to your phone or visit 999 BSL

You can do some basic safety planning with children, depending on their age. 

• Speak to the school - there may be support available for your child
• Help them to identify safe grown-ups they can talk to about their feelings.
• Rehearse escape routes with children. You might prefer to practice this as 'what to do if there is a fire' or a more general 'emergency plan'.
• Help them identify a safe room they can go to if they are scared. In that room make them a 'safe space' with resources they can use, such as stuffed toys, music, or other calming activities.
• If they are old enough to call 999 make sure they know how to do this and that they can give your home address.
• For children age 13-19 years, consider referring them for specialist support from STREET.

• Turn off location tracking on your device, or for specific apps.
• Set your social media profiles to private.
• Do not accept friend requests from people you don't know in real life.
• Avoid posting pictures of where you are in real time, or sharing upcoming plans on social media.
• Change your social media passwords regularly. Use three random words which have no connection to you e.g. 'PurpleTableSquare'. Do not share your passwords with anyone.
• Change passwords on other online accounts too, such as online banking, Amazon, Spotify, LinkedIn, Deliveroo, Uber etc.
• Check your devices for any unknown apps which might be tracking or mirroring your activity. Check children's devices too, especially if they go back and forth during child contact. 

Use Refuge's Digital Break Up Guide for more advice on electronic safety

Stalking behaviours can occur within an abusive relationship.

• Keep a record of concerning behaviours (your partner turning up unexpectedly when you are out, insisting on you sharing your movements or entering your home without permission). Download our stalking log (below) to keep somewhere safe or with a friend, or download safety apps which can be disguised on your phone, such as HollieGuard or Bright Sky, to help you keep a diary of stalking behaviours.
• Strengthen your digital safety: update passwords, enable two-factor authentication, check privacy settings on social media, and be cautious about sharing your location. (see 'Staying Safe Online).
• Check your vehicle for tracking devices regularly.
• If you decide to report incidents to police use the word 'stalking' so it can be escalated appropriately. Police should NEVER suggest offering 'words of advice' to the stalker as this can increase the risk to you and give the stalker time to destroy evidence. 

Having an emergency bag means that if you had to flee your house you can take some basic belongings with you easily reducing  the need to return to the property when it may not be safe to do so.

What to pack

• Some form of identification.
• Passports, Visas and work permits.
• Money, savings books, cheque book, credit/debit cards.
• Keys for the house, car, work etc. (You could get additional keys cut and put them in your bag)
• Child, Family Tax and any other benefit information
• Driving licence & car registration documents.
• Prescribed medication/repeat prescription.
• Clothing & toiletries for you and the children.
• Address book & emergency contact numbers.
• Personal items (photos etc.) or favourite toys for your children.
• Copies of any legal documents e.g. injunctions.

Do not put yourself in danger

Do not put yourself in danger getting these items, pack what you can, there may be opportunities to get things later on.