Recognising the signs of domestic abuse

Physical abuse is any deliberate physical act that causes injury or trauma. This can include:

• grabbing;
• pushing;
• slapping/punching;
• hair pulling/cutting;
• urinating on you;
• burning;
• branding;
• choking/strangulation;
• attempts to drown you;
• false imprisonment; and
• forced use of drugs and alcohol.

Victims of physical abuse tend to have frequent injuries, like cuts, bruises, restraint marks or burns.

You might think physical abuse is easy to recognise, but victims often cover up their injuries or distance themselves from friends and family through shame and fear of being questioned. They might even be forced to stop seeing friends and family for the same reasons.

Be mindful if somebody you know:

• becomes anxious or scared when their partner is around;
• looks withdrawn or appears to be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder;
• has frequent injuries and gives contradictory explanations for them;
• makes regular trips to A&E or the minor injuries unit;
• regularly makes excuses to avoid meeting in person or cancels plans at the last minute; or
• changes their appearance unexpectedly.

Sexual abuse is anything of a sexual nature that you haven’t consented to. For example:

• rape;
• being pressured into sex;
• filming sex without consent;
• unwanted touching;
• withholding sex;
• being forced to watch porn;
• penetration with objects without your consent;
• bestiality; and
• being forced to have sex with other people.

Victims of sexual abuse are unlikely to tell you about their experiences. However, there are some common signs that can indicate somebody is experiencing this kind of abuse.

Sexual abuse can cause unexpected or unexplained changes in behaviour, such as:

• social isolation/withdrawal;
• low self-esteem;
• self-neglect; and
• drug and alcohol misuse.

Symptoms of anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and eating or sleeping disorders can also be a sign that somebody is experiencing sexual abuse.

Financial and economic abuse is when somebody restricts your access to money, education, or employment to control your actions and prospects. This can include:

• spending your money;
• taking control of your bank account; and
• signing up for loans, credit cards and contracts in your name.

It can also involve stopping you from working or forcing you to work more than you want to.

Ultimately, this leaves you with no money for essentials like food, clothing, transport and accommodation, and puts the perpetrator in control of your life.

There are many red flags that can suggest somebody is experiencing financial or economic abuse. For example:

• not working, even if they are capable and would like to;
• quitting a job or leaving education unexpectedly;
• working long hours and having nothing to show for it;
• always being short of money and unable to buy essential items;
• asking to borrow money to pay for things like food and bills;
• not having access to their bank account;
• always using cash instead of a card or contactless device;
• asking for their partner’s permission before buying things;
• not turning up to social events where they’ll need to spend money; and
• wearing clothing that doesn’t fit or isn’t suitable for the weather conditions.

Emotional abuse is anything that isn’t physical and makes you feel upset or bad about yourself.

This can include:

• name-calling;
• putting you down;
• embarrassing you in front of friends and family;
• making you feel useless and worthless;
• threatening to self-harm or commit suicide; and
• making you feel guilty.

Look out for this kind of behaviour in social situations. Perpetrators will often disguise name-calling, put-downs, and threats as jokes.

This behaviour often leads to feelings of low self-esteem and low confidence and should never be ignored, excused or minimised.

Harassment is when someone repeatedly behaves in a way that makes you feel distressed or intimidated. Harassment can include:

• constantly calling someone or sending them offensive messages;
• sending unwanted gifts or notes; and
• threatening someone with violence.

Stalking is a form of harassment which can involve:

• following someone;
• watching or spying on someone;
• turning up at someone’s home or work uninvited; and
• monitoring someone’s phone calls and text messages, social media accounts and internet use.

The effects of harassment and stalking are far-reaching. They can severely impact the victim’s mental health, social life, and finances. For example, a victim might:

• become isolated, anxious and suspicious;
• avoid going to places they usually enjoy;
• develop symptoms of depression;
• have difficulty sleeping;
• self-medicate with drugs or alcohol;
• stop going to work; or
• move to a new area unexpectedly.

Perpetrators of domestic abuse are increasingly using internet-connected devices and digital platforms to intimidate and control victims. This is known as tech abuse. While there are benefits to using modern technology in our day-to-day lives, the devices and applications many of us rely on can be used to facilitate abuse.

For example, perpetrators can use legitimate apps like Apple’s Find My app and Google’s Find My Device service to track and monitor their partner’s movements. They can also use more covert applications known as spyware to monitor their activity on their devices. Spyware runs in the background and can give perpetrators access to their partner’s call history, messages, photos and videos, and location.

This surveillance is likely to happen without the victim’s consent or knowledge, so it can be difficult to spot.

Social media platforms and instant messaging apps allow perpetrators to harass, threaten, and even impersonate victims 24/7. They can also be used to share sexual images and videos without consent.

Somebody who is being harassed or intimidated online might:

• avoid using social media apps;
• regularly deactivate and reactivate their social media accounts;
• use social media accounts with fake names; or
• stop using their smartphone.

Victims usually experience tech abuse alongside other forms of abuse.

Coercive and controlling behaviour (CCB) was officially criminalised on 29 December 2015. This means that perpetrators who are attempting to control and emotionally, financially, and psychologically abuse their partners, ex-partners, or family members could face criminal charges for their actions.

Coercive control is defined as:

“A course of conduct in which a pattern of violence, sexual coercion, intimidation, isolation and control are used to dominate and exploit a partner and deprive her of her basic rights and resources.”
(Evan Stark 2007)

This can include, but is not limited to:

• not allowing you to leave your property;
• stopping you from doing things you enjoy;
• preventing you from going to work;
• not letting you see friends or family;
• stalking you;
• tracking or monitoring your activity;
• telling you what to wear;
• controlling your finances;
• threatening you; and
• putting you down (name calling etc).